I am getting tired of hearing myself freak out. Yes, my beloved Otis is in his last weeks / days, but nothing I do or say can change this. He's got more love than he knows what to do with and a thousand different food items to try and tempt him to eat again. Still, most of the time he's resting - not really asleep and I need something to do besides worry. Writing poetry is not an option for me at the moment. It's hard to keep still.
Here are some things I've learned that seem to help; if you are in a similar lose-lose situation maybe one of these can be of some use.
1. Take baths. Bubble baths make everything better. They change the whole gestalt of the body. They are practically free (minus bubbles and water bills).
2. Escape into novels. Yes, The More I Owe You by Michael Sledge was superb! I escaped into Brazil, into the love life of Elizabeth Bishop and felt transported. A safe drug.
3. Window boxes or: fixing things that are in your control to fix. For the last two years I've wanted to have window boxes on my writing studio but the task seemed onerous. What kind of boxes? What type of shelves? And the flowers! In one day I made it all happen --- and so it seems I do have a modicum of control over my life.
4. Feel good movies. Last night I went to see a true chick flick, "Eat, Pray, Love." I am a film snob and would usually have given this a pass. Instead, I sat in an air-conditioned theater, a bag of popcorn for dinner, and sobbed in the dark. It was a superb evening.
5. Be kind to others. I've made it a point to be as gentle as possible with the people I encounter in my day. The world is a rough place; everyone needs to be treated with love. In some messed up way, I believe that the energy I put into the world might allow for a better day for Otis.